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T-Minus One Week

And I'm terrified. I'm sad. I'm alone. Or, I will be alone. Ending something that could have been very sweet and beautiful and real, chucking it up to bad timing. I'm so sorry it has to end this way baby. No, it wasn't going to last forever, but I would have liked to see how close to forever we could get. But I can't stay for you, I can't stay for anyone. No one. Looks like I'll be flying solo for a bit. We'll have our mad, solemn, teary-eyed goodbye at the airport (cheesy like you like it), and that'll be it. Maybe I'll see you in January like you said I would (I'd love to meet your brother), but that's a winter away. A world can fall apart in four months.

For what it's worth, thank you -- you've helped me to realize the good in people and appreciate the bad. Remember when you told me -- you corrected me -- you said, 'No one is irredeemable'? I want to love others the way you love them. You're going to be my lifeline this coming week. You're going to hold me if I cry, you're going to tell me angelic, comforting things, and you're going to make me miss you that much more. I'm going to stain your shirt with my tears, discard whatever beautiful advice you give me through jarred breaths, and overwhelm you with all of my hesitancy and fear. Don't give up on me. Every time things get hard, I think about your soft reminder -- yes it's tough yes it's sad but everyone is so excited for you. This is your dream, Caitlin, and what's going to keep you going is how happy and supportive the people in your life are for you.

Not that I'm glorifying you, you certainly have your flaws and we certainly weren't going to last a lifetime. But I've learned so much from you, it's such a damn shame that we can't have more time together. I'm leaving you in California, come find me in New York if you please.

There are plenty of other things to say, plenty of other goodbyes to write and more positive things to share. Perhaps I will save them for another time.

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